People who have said to call them if I was struggling:
*Stormy
*Daniel
*Mom
*Dad
*Kim
*Shane
*Chip
*Jamie
*Ned
*Sarah
*Deanna
People I feel I can call:
No One
What all of these people don't realize is that I struggle A LOT. Sometimes it is in the middle of the afternoon, sometiems it's while I am at work, sometiems it is at 3am. But who to call? Whose moment should I ruin? Who isn't busy? And what could they do to help? But I need help to get through this.... so bad.
Torri,
ReplyDeleteYou are blessed to have all of these people to call. We love you. You, however, are exactly right. There is not one person (or a group of people) who can be there for you ALL of the time. I know this sounds cliche, but nobody can take the place of Jesus. I believe that God has you in a place where He is calling to you. His arms are open... and available... all of the time. There is no human that can be that for you... or SHOULD be that for you. I realize Jesus is not something you can physically touch in your moment of need, but He IS the one who can minister to you perfectly EVERY TIME, if you let Him. He knows you... REALLY KNOWS you. I'm sure I sound like a broken record, but get into His WORD. Dig deep. Drench yourself in it. Stand under it. Reach for Him... He's there. He wants you to run to Him instead of to other people. I DO know you struggle almost every moment of every day. I DO know you have times when nobody is available. God allows that to open the opportunity for you to fall on your face, in tears, completely surrendered to him... over and over again. He wants you... ALL OF YOU. He wants your heart, your mind, your soul, your fears, your tears, your anger... HE LOVES YOU more purely and intimately than anyone on that list. Yes, give up. Give up TRYING to heal yourself and give up trying to get others to heal you. HE is the great physician that knows your every cell and loves everything that He made you to be. Give it all up to Him. Surrender, Torri. It's worth it. You are engaged in an epic battle every second of every day that is part of a larger war that has been going on since the creation of the world. Your battle is a reflection of a cosmic war between the Kingdom of God and evil. It's a battle of CONTROL. That's why I say... SURRENDER.
I love you, Torri. I want to help you, but I know that I cannot. It's got to be God. Sure, He can use me in your life, but nobody can take His place. Keep stepping forward to God in this battle. He will carry you out of the center of the storm. He will bring you to a place of peace in His time. So much progress is being made in His one-step-at-a-time healing. Don't lose heart.