The End

This is the last post on a forever condemmed blog. Because the truth is, you've cause more pain than you should have. But for any of you who have been following this journey you need to hear about the climax it has reached. This blog has become completly public knowledge. I wanted someone to reach out and help but it was not anything like what I expected. And here, at the end, I am terrified.

I am terrified at the fact I am not ok. I am terrified that every moment is a fight. I am terrified that I have to call people to stay with me so that I don't fall into the abyss. I am terrified that I can't make it on my own. I am terrified that it is a more serious problem than I could have ever imagined. I am terrified I am losing everything. I am terrified that since I am not strong enough to do it alone I will exhaust every resource I have. I am terrified that everyone will give up on me. I am terrified that I can't survive if everyone can't give up on me. And I am terrified that maybe this is one of those problems that God will never take away.

But here in the end...I know two things. And both are inarguable truths. "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear" ~ 1 John 4:18; and "He who seeks to save his life will lose it, but he who looses his life for my sake, will save it." Matthew 10:39

So this fear isn't from God. And Surrender is what matters.

So goodbye blog. I'm done with you. It's over. The heart of a girl who never was never needed to be and brought to much pain with her.

Surrender, Surrender
You whisper gently
You say i could be free
I know but can't you see
My dreams are me
My dreams are me.
Surrender.