Scared

I am so afraid that I have an STD that is slowly killing me or rendering me sterile. I am so scared . But I am even more scared about getting tested. I don't know where to start. I am afraid of it showing up on my parent's insurace. I am afraid of any doctor besides the jerks at planned parenthood knowing that I might have something. I am afraid of what anyone here would think if they found out I was at a planned parenthood. I am so afraid of being alone and finding out I have something, something serious. I am afraid of not being able to tell anyone. I am afraid that if I go to the doctor they are going to find the cuts. I am afraid that they are going to be able to tell how recent some are. I am afraid that I won't be able to lie to them. I am afraid that they are going to realize that I am not getting better. That no matter how good I do during the day when the nights come I can't not do it. I am afraid they are going to send me to some place scary, where I am more alone than ever. I am afraid that people will find out I am in an insane asylum and hate me. I am so afraid. So afraid. Crying in fear.