Tonight... there is turmoil.
Today has been a very inspiring and educational night for me. But I have missed out on the oppurtunity to help two close friends today. Two friends who were having a rough day.
You see, I have no problem helping people with problems, people who have some sort of an issue. People who confront it and ask for help. But then again the people who slink in the corner, I love with all my heart, but honestly, I just want them to confront what they feel. I want to slap them into realization. I want to see tears, hear screams, because I know from expeirience that feeling is WAY better than not feeling.
And now I feel like shit.
Cause my roomate just said that all she wanted was someone to hug and cry with. And honestly... I would give her a hug, but I don't touch unless you ask. But I can't cry with people. I will sit with you while you cry, I'll be here, but I can't cry too. I care, but...
Just another thing I can't make better.
Trying to love someone else just hurts.
But I can't have a casual friendship with her because she doesn't do those well.
It's all in or all out, but what happens when she won't let me in.
I just want to stop caring. Go do something stupid to make up for it.
Cause caring hurts.
And Ned just played a song about how much better life is on drugs. Way to have good timing Ned.
And I was just starting to actually like myself again. But the only time I feel free and like me is when I am dancing, surrounded by loud music, and lost.
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