When you came into the kitchen last night and just hugged me cause you said I looked like I needed it, it meant everything to me. I could just drown in your arms, your sweet smell and warm embrace. You asked me if I was ok, I said sure. You just told me that that doesn't mean yes. But I walked away. You didn't leave me but you didn't press anything. On the ride home you felt almost guilty telling me that you weren't sure how much longer you were going to stick around. And I felt terrible because for some reason I am madly in love but I know that this isn't a good time or a good plan for us to be together. But I don't honestly know if I can live without you. But I am willing to try for the good of both of us.
Today I am shaking. I have been shaking violently for about an hour now. A couple people have asked me if I was ok and have told me to go eat something but I am not going to. I don't want to. But I am through with reaching out for help. I am so tired of making all of you guilty. You don't need to be worrying about me. I'm not honestly worth worrying about. I am not going to eat today, or tomorrow, or anytime soon.
I have a purpose but I can't reach it.
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