Boundaries

God wins again :) Praise God.

Last night I finally realized why boundaries were so important. In counseling I have been working hard at setting relational boundaries. Because I have felt worthless and used and damaged for so long this was really difficult for me. I was talking to my friend about his and we joked about how strict some people's boundaries are and just joked around and it got me thinking about the unspoken boundaries we had set in our own relationship. And how I could slowly see some of them starting to bend again.

Before I went into my DEEP downward spiral (so in like March of last year) God was really bringing emotional purity into my mind. Protecting and guarding my heart. I wasn't sure how to do that. But God made it very obvious to me again. It was really important to me.

Last night I kind of noticed that some unset lines were being... bent. And then when I went home that night for the first time in a long time I dreamed about my friend in a romantic sense (now we are not talking anything inapropriate here.... NOTHING like that. But in my dream there was a prolonged hug and hand holding and that is not something that is ok for me right now). This caught me off guard and I realized that I need to set some serious boundaries for myself so I don't hurt myself, my friends, and my friendships.

So... you win. I am setting boundaries. I am trying to protect myself. Cause while I still don't care if I get raped again or abused, I do care about my frienships and what is in my control. And I care that I protect everyone involved from undue heartache. I care again :)

However... giving up that twitterpated feeling that you once had while cuddling or holding hands HURTS.
But I know it will save me from hurt later.