Paige*

My friend has a beautiful daughter around the age of twelve. Tonight she hung out with me and a bunch of friends watching movies. She is a gorgeous, fun, amazing, and mature girl. She is about 5' 5" and probably just about fully grown. A lot of her reminds me of myself at that age. And that's what got me thinking about this.

When I was 12 I sneaking out every night to attend parties of mainly boys where the girls were there simply to make out with. I was in an "open" relationship with a 21 year old boy. I was drinking a little bit. It was that year I was raped, got pregnant, and tried to kill myself several times. I had never really comprehended what that year was like until now. In my mind it was always ok, always my decisions, and it was always like I made them with the full knowledge I know now.

Because I matured early people always mistook me as older. I looked older. But looking at Maris today I realized what I was like. I still loved to build blanket forts. I still loved to watch movies and have slumber parties. All those things I still love today were a huge part of me then. But I really wanted to fit in and I got into problems with some wrong people.

Now that I look back I realize just how sick the people I spent my time with were. I know that the boys I spent my time with (the ones with the parties) were 15 and 16 at the time and looking at the boys in our own church (yes... a lot of these were "church" guys) that would be like Paige* going to parties with Chase and his friends... and making out with them. And when I was 12 the idea of dating a 21 year old seemed fine. However looking back now that would be like Paige* dating Kentucky. There is just something severely wrong with that.

And Paige* has provided me wonderful insight into how my reasoning must have been. I have to stretch my mind to imagine her in a situation where she found herself like me (Dear God, may it never be) and what she would be thinking. I can understand it better now. How old I was and how well I understood.

But God is also giving me hope through Paige*. God is showing me that not all young girls have to end up like me. God is showing me that I can change the life of a girl who could have easily gone down that same path but simply being a good influence for her. If I had had postive older girl influences in my life, maybe I wouldn't have gone down that path. God is showing me so much through that amazing young girl and I praise Him so much for that.