Last night I couldn't take it. I failed myself at getting things done in time for the tea party. I couldn't be around to lead because of class. Then I finally clamed down for a few minutes to get dressed up with stormy and I got a bunch of people down in the cafe who gave me crap and reinforced my idea that I had failed once again. Then someone reinforced the idea that my effort was worthless when they rufused to dress up and "look stupid. Then I got ratted out by several people for accidently bumping into them. Then I got chewed out for five minutes for accidently locking the apartment door.
I couldn't do it.
I attacked my wrist with a butcher knife. My leg got several razor marks. My cut count of 75 moved to 82.
I walked around all day wearing those scars on my wrist without covering. Still... no one noticed.
And nothing gets to me more than the fact I am so fucking selfish to care if someone notices my peice of shit self or not.
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